George W Bush.
The living urban legend / La légende urbaine
En Français / In English
En Français / In English
Des faits: certains vrais, certains faux, mais tous droles, comme les
legendes urbaines... Voir aussi la page des Blagues
Un site web:
1) La plus belle news de W...
2) W le guerrier visionnaire...
" Nous sommes prêts pour tout événement imprévu
qui peut ou ne peut pas se produire "
" La vaste majorité de nos importations vient de l'extérieur
du pays "
" Si nous ne réussissons pas, nous courons le risque d'échouer
" Une faible participation est une indication que moins de gens
sont allés voter "
" Ce n'est pas la pollution qui attaque l'environnement. Ce sont
les impuretés dans notre air et notre eau qui en sont responsables
" Je sais que l'être humain et le poisson peuvent coexister
" Le futur sera meilleur demain "
" Je crois que nous sommes dans une tendance irréversible
pour plus de liberté et de démocratie, mais ça pourrait
" Pour la Nasa, l'espace est toujours une haute priorité
" J'ai fait de bons jugements dans le passé, j'ai fait de
bons jugements dans le futur "
" Je crois que Dieu a créé le monde. Et je pense que
nous sommes en train de découvrir plus et plus et plus comment c'est
actuellement arrivé "
"Vous apprenez à lire à un enfant et, il ou elle sera
capable de passer un test d'instruction "
" Je pense que nous sommes d'accord: Le passé est terminé
lundi 14 janvier 2002
Le président Bush s'évanouit devant son téléviseur
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Le président George Bush s'est évanoui
dimanche soir alors qu'il croquait un bretzel devant un match de football
américain à la télévision, mais un examen médical
a montré qu'il se portait bien.
Le président américain est tombé d'un canapé
et s'en sort avec une petite éraflure à la pommette et une
légère contusion à la lèvre inférieure.
Il est resté inconscient seulement quelques secondes, a précisé
son médecin personnel, le colonel de l'armée de l'air Richard
En se réveillant, George Bush a immédiatement appelé
l'infirmière de garde à la Maison blanche, le commandant de
l'armée de l'air Cindy Wright, qui a alerté le médecin.
Celui-ci a pratiqué un électrocardiogramme et plusieurs autres
examens, qui se sont avérés normaux.
"Je n'ai rien décelé de grave", a souligné
le dr Tubb. "Il s'est évanoui en raison d'un ralentissement
temporaire du rythme cardiaque."
Selon Tubb, le chef de la Maison blanche s'était plaint de ne
pas se sentir très bien ces deux derniers jours. Il venait de manger
un bretzel qu'il a apparemment mal avalé, ce qui a provoqué
un ralentissement du rythme cardiaque et l'évanouissement, a expliqué
Le colonel Tubb a précisé que George Bush, qui pratique
le jogging très régulièrement, est doté d'un
rythme cardiaque au repos de 35-45 battements par minute, bien inférieur
à la moyenne de 60 à 100 par minute.
Le porte-parole de George Bush, Ari Fleischer, a précisé
que ce dernier avait maintenu un déplacement de deux jours dans l'Illinois,
le Missouri et en Louisiane, qui débute lundi.
George W. Bush, conférence de presse du 11 octobre 2001 à
la Maison Blanche:
"Je suis impressionné qu'il y ait une telle incompréhension
de ce qu'est notre pays et que des gens puissent nous détester. Je
suis... je suis comme la plupart des Américains, je ne peux pas le
croire, car je sais combien nous sommes bons."
En 1999, M. George W. Bush est candidat à l'élection présidentielle
américaine. Il accorde un entretien à la journaliste Andy
Hiller, de la chaîne NBC, au lendemain du coup d'Etat militaire du
mois d'octobre, qui a vu l'arrivée au pouvoir au Pakistan du général
Pervez Moucharraf et l'élimination du président élu
Bush : Ce gars vient de prendre ses fonctions. Il semble que ce gars
va apporter la stabilité à son pays et je pense que c'est
une bonne nouvelle pour le sous-continent.
Hiller : Pouvez-vous donner son nom ?
Bush : Général. Je peux donner son nom.
Hiller : Et c'est ?
Bush : Général...
Hiller : Et le premier ministre d'Inde ?
Bush : Le nouveau premier ministre d'Inde est... Non.
Enervé, M. Bush rétorque à la journaliste : pouvez-vous
me donner le nom du premier ministre mexicain ? Et Andy Hiller de répondre
: "Non, mais je ne suis pas candidate à la présidence...
C'est bien sur pas un lapsus, cet imbecile ne sait tout simplement pas
la difference entre les deux mots...:
lundi 18 février 2002, 12h42
Quand un lapsus de George W. Bush fait trembler la Bourse de Tokyo
TOKYO (AP) -- Le yen a plongé face au dollar lundi, après
que le président américain George W. Bush eut suscité
un vif émoi dans les milieux boursiers en déclarant à
la presse qu'il avait abordé la question de la dévaluation
de la devise nippone avec le Premier ministre Junichiro Koizumi.
Très rapidement, des responsables de la Maison Blanche ont apporté
un correctif, déclarant que le président américain,
actuellement en visite au Japon, avait fait un lapsus en utilisant le mot
''dévaluation'' alors qu'il voulait dire que les deux dirigeants
avaient parlé ''déflation''.
M. Bush, qui cherche à apporter son soutien à la politique
économique mise en place par M. Koizumi, avait déclaré
que le Premier ministre nippon et lui avaient discuté ''des prêts,
de la question de la dévaluation et de la réforme de la régulation''.
M. Koizumi, avait-il dit, ''a mis un accent équivalant sur ces trois
Le dollar a aussitôt grimpé à 132,80 yens - son plus
haut niveau dans les échanges de lundi - avant de fléchir.
Auparavant, le billet vert cotait près de 132,60 yens.
Peu après la conférence de presse, le porte-parole de la
Maison Blanche Sean McCormack a déclaré aux journalistes que
M. Bush avait fait un lapsus et que les deux dirigeants avaient en fait
discuté de la déflation et non pas de la dévaluation.
La seconde éventualité est beaucoup plus épineuse car
dans ce cas, le Japon laisserait sa monnaie se déprécier pour
rendre ses exportations plus concurrentielles.
Le président américain avait dit et répété
avant sa tournée en Asie qu'il appartenait au marché de déterminer
la valeur des devises.
A la Bourse de Tokyo lundi à 15h00 (6h00 GMT), le dollar cotait
132,68 yens, en baisse de 0,06 yen par rapport à la clôture
de vendredi mais au-dessus de son niveau de 132,60 yens à New York.
George Bush est arrivé dimanche soir au Japon, première
étape d'une tournée asiatique de sept jours qui le mènera
ensuite en Corée du Sud et en Chine.
"Mon voyage en Asie commence ici au Japon, et ce pour une raison
importante. Il commence ici parce que depuis maintenant un siecle et demi,
l'Amerique et le Japon ont forme l'une des grandes et durables alliances
de l'epoque contemporaine. De cette alliance, est nee une ere de paix dans
le Pacifique. Depuis ses premiers jours, notre alliance a ete fondee sur
des interets, un respect et des valeurs communs".
PEKIN (AP) -- Au terme de sa visite en Chine, dernière étape
d'une tournée asiatique, le président américain George
W. Bush a appelé Pékin vendredi à épouser la
cause de la liberté, notamment celle du culte, et de la tolérance.
''Une société libre a confiance en ses citoyens'', a souligné
Bush devant des étudiants sceptiques quant à la politique
américaine vis-à-vis de leur pays.
M. Bush a noté que beaucoup de choses ont changé pour le
mieux en Chine depuis sa visite dans ce pays il y a 25 ans. ''En 1975, tout
le monde portait les mêmes vêtements. Aujourd'hui les gens choisissent
leurs vêtements'', a-t-il remarqué en félicitant un
étudiant pour le choix de son sweater rouge.
jeudi 19 septembre 2002, 17h09
WASHINGTON (AP) - Le président américain George W. Bush
a condamné jeudi à Washington les deux attentats-suicides
perpétrés le jour même dans le centre de Tel Aviv et
la veille dans le nord d'Israël, qui ont fait huit morts dont les deux
M. Bush a fait part de ses condoléances "à ceux qui
ont perdu la vie en Israël lors de deux attentats consécutifs".
Following are "facts": some are true, some are not, but all
are funny, as urban legends are. Also look at the Jokes
page (which is mostly in french)
Among the websites that used to collect bushisms many have calmed down
or stopped after 9/11:
George W. Bush: The President Quayle We Never Had
"Come the millennium, month 12, In the home of greatest power, The
village idiot will come forth To be acclaimed the leader." Nostradamus,
Incoming staffers of the Bush White House are apparently victims of a
practical joke perpetrated by their predecessors. Bush aides settling into
the Old Executive Office Building have discovered that many computer keyboards
in their work spaces are missing the W key -- as in President Bush's middle
"There are dozens, if not hundreds, of keyboards with these missing
keys," a White House aide told us yesterday, speaking on condition
of anonymity to confirm reports from two Republican sources. "In some
cases the W is marked out, but the most prevalent example is the key being
removed. In some cases the W keys have been taped on top of the doorways,
which are 12 feet tall. In other cases the key is just damaged, with the
spring broken or removed."
The Bush aide added that the damaged keyboards are being found "in
any number of different offices and divisions at the Old EOB. It has the
technical and computer support people very busy. They already have quite
a lot to do. I don't believe they expected to be coping with this as well.
I think they're working to repair or replace the equipment, whatever they
Our efforts to reach former staffers of Al Gore and Bill Clinton were
mostly unsuccessful yesterday, but Gore campaign press secretary Chris Lehane,
tongue in cheek, fielded our request for an explanation: "My guess
is that the White House did not have many reasons to use the letter W over
the last couple of years. It's possible they just fell off because of sheer
atrophy." Lehane added: "I think the missing W's can be explained
by the vast left-wing conspiracy now at work."
I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but
for predecessors as well."
-Washington, D.C., Jan. 29, 2001
"My pro-life position is I believe there's life. It's not necessarily
based in religion. I think there's a life there, therefore the notion of
life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness."
--Quoted in the San Francisco Chronicle, Jan. 23, 2001
"Then I went for a run with the other dog and just walked. And I
started thinking about a lot of things. I was able to-I can't remember what
it was. Oh, the inaugural speech, started thinking through that."
-Pre-inaugural interview with U.S. News & World Report, Jan.
22, 2001 issue
"I'm hopeful. I know there is a lot of ambition in Washington, obviously.
But I hope the ambitious realize that they are more likely to succeed with
success as opposed to failure."
-Interview with the Associated Press, Jan. 18, 2001
"Redefining the role of the United States from enablers to keep
the peace to enablers to keep the peace from peacekeepers is going to be
-Interview with the New York Times, Jan. 14, 2001
"The California crunch really is the result of not enough power-generating
plants and then not enough power to power the power of generating plants."
"If he's-the inference is that somehow he thinks slavery is a-is
a noble institution I would-I would strongly reject that assumption-that
John Ashcroft is a open-minded, inclusive person."
-NBC Nightly News With Tom Brokaw, Jan. 14, 2001
"She's just trying to make sure Anthony gets a good meal-Antonio."
-On Laura Bush inviting Justice Antonin Scalia to dinner at the White
NBC Nightly News With Tom Brokaw, Jan. 14, 2001
"I want it to be said that the Bush administration was a results-oriented
administration, because I believe the results of focusing our attention
and energy on teaching children to read and having an education system that's
responsive to the child and to the parents, as opposed to mired in a system
that refuses to change, will make America what we want it to be-a literate
country and a hopefuller country."
-Washington, D.C., Jan. 11, 2001
"I would have to ask the questioner. I haven't had a chance to ask
the questioners the question they've been questioning. On the other hand,
I firmly believe she'll be a fine secretary of labor. And I've got confidence
in Linda Chavez. She is a-she'll bring an interesting perspective to the
-Austin, Texas, Jan. 8, 2001
"I do remain confident in Linda. She'll make a fine labor secretary.
From what I've read in the press accounts, she's perfectly qualified."
"I mean, these good folks are revolutionizing how businesses conduct
their business. And, like them, I am very optimistic about our position
in the world and about its influence on the United States.
We're concerned about the short-term economic news, but long-term I'm
optimistic. And so, I hope investors, you know-secondly, I hope investors
hold investments for periods of time-that I've always found the best investments
are those that you salt away based on economics."
-Austin, Texas, Jan. 4, 2001
"The person who runs FEMA is someone who must have the trust of
the president. Because the person who runs FEMA is the first voice, often
times, of someone whose life has been turned upside down hears from."
"She is a member of a labor union at one point."
-Announcing his nomination of Linda Chavez as secretary of labor. Austin,
Texas, Jan. 2, 2001
"Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature
because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods."
-Austin, Texas, Dec. 20, 2000
"I am mindful of the difference between the executive branch and
the legislative branch. I assured all four of these leaders that I know
the difference, and that difference is they pass the laws and I execute
-Washington, D.C., Dec. 18, 2000
"The great thing about America is everybody should vote."
-Austin, Texas, Dec. 8, 2000
"Dick Cheney and I do not want this nation to be in a recession.
We want anybody who can find work to be able to find work."
-60 Minutes II, Dec. 5, 2000
"I knew it might put him in an awkward position that we had a discussion
before finality has finally happened in this presidential race."
-Describing a phone call to Sen. John Breaux. Crawford, Texas, Dec. 2,
"As far as the legal hassling and wrangling and posturing in Florida,
I would suggest you talk to our team in Florida led by Jim Baker."
-Crawford, Texas, Nov. 30, 2000
"The legislature's job is to write law. It's the executive branch's
job to interpret law."
-Austin, Texas, Nov. 22, 2000
"They misunderestimated me."
-Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000
BUSH SUES SANTA
AUSTIN, TX - Dec.15 - Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush filed
suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making
his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction
against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban
his traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one
additional time before packing his sleigh.
The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas, asks
a federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all
repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the original
list as submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary
"There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is
nice. It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he
need to check? This checking, checking, and re-checking over and over again
must stop now," said former Secretary James Baker.
Baker further claimed that unnamed GOP observers witnessed an elf remove
all boys named Brad from the "nice" list, filing them under "naughty"
instead because "everyone knows all boys named Brad are brats."
Gov. Bush cited the potential for unauthorized list tampering, and blasted
what he called the "fuzzy math up there at the North Pole."
"Their security is really awful, really bad," said Bush. "My
mother just walked right in, told 'em she was Mrs. Claus. They didn't check
her ID or nothing."
Meanwhile, Dick Cheney, Gov. Bush's running mate, issued a direct plea
to St. Nick himself. "Mr. Claus, I call on you to do the honorable
thing, and quit checking your list. The children of the world have had enough.
They demand closure now," Cheney said, adding that his granddaughter
has already selected a name for the pony that she's asked for.
Santa Claus could not be reached for comment, but a spokes-elf said he
was "deeply distressed" by news of the pending legal action against
him. "He's losing weight, and he hasn't said 'Ho Ho Ho' for days,"
said the spokes-elf. "He's just not feeling jolly."
BREAKING NEWS: GOD OVERRULES SUPREME COURT VERDICT
Bush to be smitten later today
In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one nation,
under God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule last night's
Supreme Court decision that handed the White House to George Bush.
"I'm not sure where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this
morning on a rare Today Show appearance, "but I'm sure as hell not
going to lie back and let Bush get away with this bullshit."
"I've watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact vote count
in Florida 'will never be known.' Well, I'm God and I DO know exactly who
voted for whom. Let's cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by exactly 20,219
Shocking political analysts and pundits, God's unexpected verdict overrules
the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida to Al Gore, giving
him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing God's Word for possible
grounds for appeal.
"God's ruling is a classic over-reach," argued Bush campaign
strategist Jim Baker. "Clearly, a divine intervention in a U.S. Presidential
Election is unprecedented, unjust, and goes against the constitution of
the state of Florida."
"Jim Baker's a jackass," God responded. "He's got some
surprises ahead of him, let me tell you. HOT ones, if you know what I mean."
God, who provided the exact vote counts for every Florida precinct, explained
that bad balloting machinery and voter confusion were no grounds to give
the White House to "a friggin' idiot."
"Look, only 612 people in Palm Beach County voted for Buchanan.
Get real! The rest meant to vote for Gore. Don't believe me? I'll name them:
Anderson, Pete; Anderson, Sam, Jr.; Arthur, James; Barnhardt, Ron..."
Our Lord then went on to note that he was displeased with George W. Bush's
prideful ways and announced that he would officially smite him today. In
an act of wrath unlike any reported since the Book of Job, God has taken
all of Bush's goats and livestock, stripped him of his wealth and possessions,
sold his family into slavery, forced the former presidential candidate into
hard labor in a salt mine, and afflicted him with deep boils.
Dick Cheney will reportedly receive leprosy.
God also took time to overrule a few other recent decisions:
-- Stunning the NBA, God overruled last night's Milwaukee Bucks 109-105
victory over the L.A. Lakers. Describing Sam Cassell's game-winning jumper
with :03 to go as "lucky-ass bullshit," God waived off that basket.
Lakers now win, 105-104.
-- God also overturned the results of the 1998 NCAA Final Four, awarding
the NCAA National Championship to the North Carolina Tarheels. "There's
just no way Utah beats UNC with Vince Carter and Antawn Jamison! I must
have been napping during that one...." God announced that UNC actually
was intended to beat Kentucky 85-71 in the NCAA title game, with Jamison
recording a double-double, racking up 28 points and 19 rebounds to earn
Final Four MVP honors.
-- Sending shockwaves through Hollywood, God announced that M*A*S*H should
never have been canceled and commanded the show be returned to the air,
once Jamie Farr can be located. He also ruled that there may be no more
movies starring David Spade.
"The new Pakistani general, he's just been elected - not elected,
this guy took over office. It appears this guy is going to bring stability
to the country, and I think that's good news for the subcontinent."
"General. I can name the general. General."
Monday January 7 2002
White House defends use of 'Pakis'
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The White House has said that U.S. President George
W. Bush meant no disrespect to the Pakistani people by referring to them
"The president has great respect for Pakistan, the Pakistani people,
and the Pakistani culture. Pakistan has been a strong member of the international
coalition in the war against terrorism," said White House spokesman
Bush used the term in remarks to reporters on Monday when discussing
the possibility of nuclear rivals India and Pakistan going to war.
"I don't believe the situation is defused yet, but I do believe
there is a way to do so, and we are working hard to convince both the Indians
and the Pakis there's a way to deal with their problems without going to
war," Bush said.
Most Americans are unaware of the sensitivity of the term. In Britain,
however, it is considered an ethnic slur toward Pakistanis who emigrated
there in large numbers in the 1960s and '70s.
Asad Hayauddin, spokesman at the Pakistani Embassy in Washington, said
he did not consider what Bush said to be an insult.
"I would give him the benefit of the doubt and say it was said in
passing. In all fairness, I would say it's not a racial slur," he said.
He did, however, receive a number of phone calls from reporters seeking
the embassy's reaction.
January 14, 2002
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Saying "I feel great," President Bush
set off on Monday on a two-day trip to the Midwest a day after aides said
he choked on a pretzel, fainted and fell off a couch, leaving an angry scrape
on his left cheek.
Bush made light of the incident as he walked from the Oval Office to
his helicopter, saying he had "hit the deck" and woke up to find
his dogs, Barney and Spot, looking at him with concern.
"My mother always said when you're eating pretzels, chew before
you swallow," Bush told reporters before boarding the helicopter that
was to take him on the first leg of his trip to Illinois, Missouri and Louisiana
on Monday and Tuesday.
Asked what had happened, Bush replied: "I hit the deck and woke
up and there was Barney and Spot showing a lot of concern. I didn't realize
what happened until I looked in the mirror ... my glasses cut the side of
Bush said he had "good" blood pressure on Monday morning and
looked forward to his trip. His fainting spell occurred on Sunday evening
as he was watching a football game on television in his private quarters
at the White House.
MUNICH (Reuters) - In a retaliatory action following the latest terrorist
attempt on the life of President G.W. Bush, the US airforce is reported
to have reduced to smitherens all major bretzel factories throughout Bavaria
in a massive surprise strike involving B1, B2 and B52 bombers. The FRG has
called for an immediate meeting of the UNO Security Council. Ecologists
are worried that bretzel fragments clouding the stratosphere could trigger
a new ice age. The French government has assured the population that the
bretzel cloud did not - repeat, not - cross the border.
As I understand it, a second wave will bomb the breweries, producing
clouds of beer vapor which will combine with the bretzel (or as we say "pretzel"
) fragments to form a primordial slurry from which couch potatoes will emerge.
I am astonished that the superficial response of our government has so
deluded my esteemed friends. Clearly the attack had bioterrorism written
all over it, being based on the genetic modification of wheat using the
exp gene, which codes for the protein Expandin. When baked and subsequently
exposed to water, the protein expands to 1,000,000 times its original volume,
clogging the passage in which it is located. We developed this weapon for
use in food to be dropped on enemy lines, but (as we so often do) declassified
the information and provided the gene free to anyone requesting it. Take
care when next you consume a pretzel (or bretzel).
By the way, the strategy of keeping potentially troublesome regions of
the world under control through obesity and drunkenness seems to have been
forgotten by our strategic analysts.
We've gone from a president who could handle lobbying a Congressman on
Bosnia policy while getting a blow job, to one who can't handle watching
football while eating a pretzel.
Of course it's not a slip of tongue. I'm sure W doesn't even know the
difference between the two words!:
Devaluation or Deflation? Bush Choice of Words Shakes Markets
Monday, February 18, 2002
A brief wave of panic swept through financial markets on Monday after
President Bush's latest slip of the tongue, in which he mixed up deflation
Traders worldwide couldn't believe their ears when Bush relayed to a
news conference that Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi, outlining his plans
to revive Japan's economy, had placed equal emphasis in their talks on banks'
non-performing loans, "the devaluation issue" and regulatory reform.
The yen's value is an extremely touchy subject for Japan's Asian neighbors
and U.S. manufacturers, who suspect that Tokyo is willing to tolerate a
cheaper currency as a way of spurring exports, especially in the cars sector,
and stoking a little bit of inflation.
Most traders doubted Koizumi would have publicly mused about devaluation
and assumed that Bush, famous for gaffes such as a pledge to "put food
on your family," had meant to say "the deflation issue."
But some dealers decided not to take the risk and briefly pushed the
yen down to 132.80 per dollar from 132.55.
White House officials quickly clarified that Bush and Koizumi had indeed
discussed deflation and the official transcript of the news conference also
set the record straight in a footnote.
Like his president-father before him, Bush is well-known for his wayward
way with words and mangled syntax. Trade has been a particular pitfall for
"I'm a free-trader. I will work to end terrors tariffs and barriers
everywhere, across the world," he said in 2000 while campaigning for
"More and more of our imports come from overseas," he said
And Bush is not the first U.S. president to put his foot in his mouth
on the question of currencies. At the June 1987 summit of the Group of Seven
industrial nations in Venice, President Ronald Reagan sent markets into
a frenzy when he said the dollar should remain stable but that "it
could be within reason that there could still be some lowering of the value
in relation to other currencies."
The White House quickly issued a clarification to say that Reagan, like
Bush Monday, had tripped over his tongue and in fact wanted a stable dollar.
"My trip to Asia begins here in Japan for an important reason.
It begins here because for a century and a half now, America and Japan have
formed one of the great and enduring alliances of modern times. From that
alliance has come an era of peace in the Pacific. [...] From its very brith,
our alliance has been based on common interests, common respect and common